Thomas and Rebecca Marry at The Barn at Valhalla

You can tell the couples that are sincerely devoted to each other and that have been through life experiences which have deepened their trust and friendship. I felt that strongly with Rebecca and Thomas. Two very different people, he seems to have a perpetual twinkle in his eyes, and she seems to be one of the aspects of life that puts it there.

In their ceremony on Oct 16th, we described their love as friendship caught fire in 2005. Since then they have traveled in distant countries in which Thomas had to rely on Rebecca's fluency in Arabic and Rebecca had to rely on Thomas' keen sense of observation, they've moved from Washington D.C. to settle and buy a home in Durham, and they have planned all the many logistics of their wedding at The Barn at Valhalla in Chapel Hill, NC.

The Barn at Valhalla has lots of great sites for a ceremony, but this is a fall favorite since it's so surrounded by trees and the fireplace is such a wonderful backdrop. That's a pond further back in the pictures.

It's a great place and I've been there often. And once again, it did not fail to inspire. You can tell by the wonderful photographs that photographers Melissa and Stephen Carter from Two Carters Photos Photography in Washington, D.C. captured for the couple. They loved coming down to our Autumn beauty and said they'd come down again if asked.

Jim Baird and Jane Peppler gave us wonderful fiddle and strings music which fit the outdoor fall atmosphere. They played one of my favorites, 'Ashokan Farewell' as the last song while guests were being seated and 'Chelmsford House' for the recessional as well as the more traditional 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring' and 'Purcell's Voluntary' for the processional. Live fiddle music is such a treat and NC has such a tradition of good musicians.

These two have played at many weddings at which I've officiated and always been a great asset in making the day sing. Jane and another musician also play klezmer music at other weddings. They're equally wonderful at that, too.

Their friends read wonderful poetry, then I got to read 'Blessing for a Marriage' by James Dillet Freeman which is exquisitely beautiful. I always love it when a couple want that blessing. We also passed their rings through their guests, each guest offering a silent blessing upon their marriage. I was of course concerned that the rings drop from the beautiful wooden box in which they were displayed, but everyone else must have been concerned, too, because they made it back to me, and then to their hands in find style.

Rebecca and Thomas have learned how to be there for each other - caring, supporting and listening. They are adults who know themselves and their desires, grounded and sure.

They had friends, family, and professionals who all enjoyed their thoughtfulness. And Rebecca and Thomas wanted to make sure that I recognized their contributions to their wedding, too. Below are their creative favors by M.Z or emdotzee Designs. They also did their invitations and other printed materials.

This gorgeous cake was from Miel Bon Bons Patisserie et Confiserie in Chapel Hill.


They held their reception in the barn and were fed by Durham Catering. Their flowers were by Rachel Preston of Preston Landscapes. Hair and make up by
Hair and Make-up - Claudia Gunn of Haven Beauty Sanctuary Salon.

I was glad that Thomas and Rebecca had a few moments alone before the reception. There were so many well wishers and I knew the day would go so quickly. The Barn is a good place to get a few moments just for yourselves.

They're a very loving couple, rich in spirit and with generous hearts. I wish them all the best that life holds - spending time with their dog Stanley and all those they love.

Sara and Birama Got Married in October at The Spruce Pine Lodge

Sara contacted me by email in January of 2009 from her Peace Corps post in Mali where she would be finishing up her assignment in just a few months. She'd be coming home in the summer and wanted to be married in North Carolina in October at Spruce Pine Lodge. Owned by the City of Durham, on Lake Michi, it's a wonderful venue for a small wedding. The grounds are large and the lodge has a rustic feel yet has all the amenities. I've done many weddings there over the years. And I know that weddings happen there all the time.

I really appreciated the ability to do initial planning via email but it began to be really fun with I got to meet Sara and Baba in the month before their wedding. They'd had a wedding in Mali surrounded by family and friends there, and now they were to have a wedding surrounded by family and friends here. Sara and Birama speak most easily together in French. Birama is learning English fast but it's not an easy language even for those of us who grew up here. So our conversation was in two languages, and I got to be reminded how much and how little I remember from my High School French classes.

It turned out to be a beautiful mid-October Sunday so we got to hold the wedding outdoors on the lawn.

There was wonderful music for both the ceremony and the reception. Miguel Joseph of Yeshuana Entertainment, and William Beasely of Rockstar Entertainment both offered their talents to the occasion. And the reception was catered by the always great, Durham Catering Company.

I also got an opportunity to bone up a little on my French so that during the ceremony I could say Birama's vows in French and tell him that he was married in French. I practiced so those now awkward syllables rolled a little more easily off my tongue. I was glad to be able to have some part of the ceremony in Birama's own language. It was fun for me and I hope it made the ceremony a little more personal to him.

We also did something in their ceremony that was so much fun that I now recommend it to other couples.

After I pronounced them married and offered words of blessing upon their marriage, I asked Birama and Sara to turn around and face their guests, then I asked if any of their guests wanted to call blessings out to them in Bambara, the language of Mali. Since Birama's brother and best friend were there, as were several Peace Corps volunteers who had served in Mali, several happy people jumped to their feet, shouted a blessing (I gathered that some were traditional Bambara blessings) and sat down, to be followed close behind by another spirited person. It was lively, heart felt, and spontaneous, and was a perfect way to begin the celebrations.

Birama is a jewelry maker. I wish you could see the unique and stunningly beautiful wedding necklace he made for Sara. You can catch just a glimpse of it behind her flowers. I wish him much good fortune in selling his creations.

And I wish them both many blessings as they begin this new adventure together!

Thomas and Jessica, best friends for ten years

November 14th is the day Jessica and Thomas got married. From the time they were fourteen, they had known that theirs would be a forever friendship. At that time they'd gone to two different schools, but even then they'd had known that what they had was special. Everyone thought they were too young and a little crazy. But over the last ten years they've grown up, and grown their love, even through the difficulties of a long distance relationship while she was in college and he learned the family business.

To their friends they're an inspiring example of a good relationship. And while their friends said, 'It's about time!' when they announced their engagement, to Jessica and Thomas, it was just the right time. On November 14th, with all their friends and family gathered at Bay 7 of the American Tobacco Campus in downtown Durham, they honored their special love.

Jessica's friend, Angela, was the honorary wedding director. She was fabulous and essential to the day. She kidded that she could apply her skills as a medical student to this occasion. But kidding aside, she gave a special gift to her friend in the grace and attention she brought to coordinating the many logistics of the day.

Thomas and Jessica come from two different faiths, and in their ceremony we honored both traditions. Melissa Cherry, a photo journalist from Greensboro took all the wonderful pictures you see here catching the occasion beautifully. Many thanks to her!

After Thomas and I entered the ceremonial space,
four attendants carried at huppah created just for the occasion. (These four friends remarked to me after the ceremony that they had loved being able to see Thomas and Jessica's faces so clearly during the ceremony.) The huppah, in Jewish faith, represents the promise of the home they'll create together. Its sides are open, symbolizing the importance of community, participation in each others lives and what is beyond ourselves.

Jessica entered with both her parents to the Canon in D by Pachelbel played on a great sound system by Jill Phillips of All The Right Grooves. She was fabulous. This is a large, wide-open and difficult place to get the sound just right, but she managed it.

Thomas and Jessica used the architecture of the setting well, too, holding the ceremony on a landing of the stairs with a backdrop of silver tile, which created a wonderful platform and effect by which everyone could see more easily.


Thomas and Jessica's exchange of rings had special meaning. Thomas proposed on New Year's Eve at mid-night in Asheville, NC on the grounds of the Grove Park Inn. It was a symbol of the forever commitment they'd both grown toward all these years. Now they were formally declaring this commitment in the eyes of all who love them.




During the ceremony they shared a glass of wine as part of the 7 Jewish Wedding Blessings Jessica's brother Jacob recited for them. The first is 'We praise you God, ruler of the universe, creator of the fruit of the vine.' The next six are just as lovely.

They also thoroughly enjoyed their kiss, taking the time to savor the moment. Yay!



Thomas broke the glass and everyone yelled 'Mazel Tov' at the end of the ceremony to wish them congratulations and good luck. It's not really hard to break the glass if you step on it right and then of course you have to remember to have it in a white cloth napkin so that shards don't go flying. It's a wonderful way to signify with a good shout that everyone is with them in spirit and that the ceremony is completed. Traditionally this ritual holds the prayer that says 'may your bond of love be as difficult to break as it would be to put together the pieces of this glass together again.'

I call the final moment before the Recessional the Basking Moment. It's the time when a couple is reentering their community for the first time as a married couple, seeing everyone who is there because they love them and wish them all the happiness in the world. It's a time to relish and drink in all this love and support.

So often couples seem to run out down the aisle. I say, 'Relax and enjoy all those faces turned to you in love.'


Jessica and Thomas had a special tradition for their wedding cake. Jessica's grandmother and mother had both had these same Kewpie doll's on top of their wedding cakes. And now so did Thomas and Jessica. The picture on the table is Jessica's parents cutting their wedding cake almost thirty years ago with the same small dolls on top of it. This beautiful cake was made by Ashely Lattier of Ashley Cakes.



Cydney Davis-English from The English Garden in Raleigh was responsible for Jessica's beautiful bouquet and the Cala lilies for her bride's maids.















I didn't stay but Jessica reports that they had to kick people out at eleven because they were still going strong on the dance floor. Durham Catering Company must have been a hit with the dinner, too. Thanks to Tom Ferguson.

I appreciate it so much when a couple lets me know that their ceremony has been what they wanted. Jessica send me the following note, which I'll treasure: "We are back home from our honeymoon now and starting to settle into our life as a married couple. We wanted to write and thank you for doing such an amazing job at our wedding last week. The ceremony was so heartfelt and honest - it touched both of our hearts and was able to transcend to reach all of our friends and family in attendance as well. Standing on that stage, listening to you deliver the words we worked so hard to choose, everything else truly faded away.

We really appreciate everything you did to make our wedding day so wonderful. You took so much care to craft the exact ceremony we wanted and we could never thank you enough for being part of the most important day of our lives. ... Thank you again! We are so glad we were able to share the day with you. Meeting you and having you officiate our ceremony was truly a blessing for both of us.'

It's a blessing for me, too. Jessica and Thomas were very clear in their appreciation and affection for each other and their family and friends. I felt privileged to be a part of it with the special role I had in their wedding.

Jessica and Thomas story was written up in the Harold Sun. It's wonderful. Click here to go the the Herald Sun site and the story.

Helping them honor a generous and inclusive love such as theirs is why I love what I do.