Lori and Chirag, The Butterflies and Virtual Guests

It was a small gathering to celebrate Lori and Chirag's wedding on March 21, 2101, if you didn't count the butterflies. And there were plenty of them. Of course we were at the Butterfly House at The Museum of Life and Science. I must thank, Rachel Smith, the Events and Rentals Assistant for the museum, there with us to help us remember how to co-habit with these wonderful creatures as they graced the ceremony.


In this very special wedding we had hoped to have among the guests Chirag's sister Shweta, her husband Amit and their daughter Viya, but visas are complicated nowadays, so we included them virtually. This was my first webcam wedding and I've got to tell you I was delighted. It worked out wonderfully - as you'll see in these pictures. They could hear everything and respond. When we asked if all you loved Chirag and Lori would bless and suppor their union, we could hear Shweta and Amit's voices right along with everyone else's. Chirag's parents were there in person, as were Lori's parents, Lori's sister, Elizabeth, her brother, David, and just a handful of their close friends.

Chirag and Lori set the tone with their choice for Lori's processional of 'What a wonderful world' by Lous Armstrong. And we all felt that way. With many faiths represented, with Lori and Chirag having two different cultural backgrounds, and with their love for the natural world, this felt like a global experience, yet also very intimate.

It's hard to convey how beautiful the ceremony was and how it fit the couple. Perhaps this picture will speak more eloquently.


Their genuine delight in their marriage and each other comes through so much in this picture.

Their love is rich in discovery, humor and adventure. We celebrated that love does find us in unexpected places and the amazing grace of how life so often surprises us by joy if we let it..


I had a fun time after the ceremony. Lori and Chirag went with David, the photographer to shoot pictures in other areas of the Butterfly House. And of course, the only ones who couldn't go along with them without assistance were Shweta and Amit. So I volunteered to become their legs so they could enjoy this facet of the ceremony too. Here I am with Chirag's father, and of course, Shweta and Amit.

Chirag and Lori and their family and friends went to a local Indian restaurant after the pictures to celebrate. And I'm sure Shweta and Amit went with them.

I really appreciated how Chirag and Lori knew what was important for them for their wedding and planned it just that way. That way they didn't get too stressed, and I could see them genuinely having fun and being able to drink in the joy at their wedding. Which is, of course, what I wanted for them.

They told me I was fabulous in their thank you. And I joyfully drink that in. I had a great time, too.
And I wish them many many more adventures in life just as sweet as their wedding. I have no doubt they will make it happen.

Susan and Bob Light Up The Rand-Bryan House

Last weekend seemed to be the most glorious weekend of the Spring. But beaming even brighter on Saturday, April 10th, were Susan and Bob. All the way down from Maryland for a wedding among close family and friends, they were radiant in their happiness. I could feel it all around them. Susan's Uncle Joe escorted her down the aisle as they were greeted by cousins, siblings, Bob's grown children and Susan's aunt. Bob's brother-in-law, David, was his Best Man and Susan's cousin Rachel, her Maid or Matron of Honor.


The Rand-Bryan house in Garner is a wonderful location with all it's springtime glory shining in the windows. For a group of thirty guests, there was plenty of room for a seated lunch and enough room to dance to a jazz quartet. All these beautiful pictures were taken by a friend of the family who's also a professional photographer: Gary D. Knight. You can reach him for his services at: 919-661-6566 or garydknight@earthlink.net. For all of us who want our pictures fast, he generously emailed me these photos the very evening of the wedding.

For the words of wisdom to be said upon their marriage, Bob and Susan chose the words from 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran that he wrote on marriage. They're so wonderful as is the whole book. I use Gibran's words on children for Baby Blessings and they're timeless, too.

Few know that Kahlil Gibran was Lebanese-American and Christian and lived in Boston and published his most famous book in 1923. He's considered the most widely read poet in history after Shakespeare and Lao-Tzu. If you don't now his words on marriage, Google them. They're lovely any time you read them. They never age. They certainly seemed to fit Susan and Bob who are wedding in mid-life filled with the grace and delight that love found anew brings out in us.

We did the Celtic Hand-fasting ceremony for their wedding, with a cord woven of three colors by Susan. They are blue, gold and white. It was lovely and just the right size. When you do the ceremony with the knots you must have enough cord. I like about 4 or 5 feet of cord so that I can tie the cord in the shape of infinity on your hands, then tie each knot easily.

These are powerful words of promise and binding, each said with consideration. I understand why this ancient ritual is still used. It holds power.

I got to say a beautiful blessing upon their marriage: "God, bless them with the inner gifts of trust, compassion, forgiveness, and truth that they may live and grow together in love and peace. Amen." It's an honor to even get to say these words.
After the ceremony there was time for pictures, followed by warm and funny toasts. (Who knows you better than your brother-in-law, lunch, and then the jazz combo and dancing.)

I wish I could have stayed to celebrate but a Saturday in April is a busy day for a minister who officiates weddings. So I could only wave good-bye as I dashed to the car to drive to Chapel Hill.

Bob and Susan are off to new adventures now. They promised each other their life together would never be boring. And I don't doubt that at all. I wish them lots of love and many blessings. As peers, we share an appreciation for each day that comes more easily with each passing year.

There's a sweetness to the realization that each moment is a joy to be savored with that special someone you love. I know they'll be doing just that.

Daniel and Chrystalyn Celebrate Their Wedding

On Easter Sunday, April 4th, Daniel and Chrystalyn celebrated their marriage with their family and friends at The Whispering Willow Wedding Chapel on Roxboro Rd. This chapel is all in white which makes a lovely backdrop for a wedding. It's the sanctuary for the First United Metaphysical Chapel which opens up the chapel to outside couples for weddings in addition to having their own minister perform ceremonies.

Their wedding had the wonderful spontaneity of their young son who had energy to burn and wanted to see close up. He was fine in his enthusiasm and everyone relaxes at a ceremony where childrens enthusiasm is included.

An important part of Chrystalyn and Daniel's ceremony was celebrating their children. We wrote a special sand ceremony to include their three sons, each son represented by a different color sand. But since they're all young, Daniel and Chrystalyn poured the sand for them. A wise move!

At the end of their marriage blessing, we wished that at the end of their lives they'd be able to look back and smile upon the life they'd shared together pleased, satisfied, and fulfilled beyond their wildest dreams!

We concluded with the Irish Wedding Blessing.

It was an unseasonal ninety degrees outside so I was grateful that everyone has this cool peaceful setting for the pictures. No squinting into the sun. No people burning up in the heat.

They held their reception in the lower level of the church, complete with kitchen and dressing room for the bride. After the ceremony, I could even see Daniel's and Chrystalyn's mothers getting food ready in the kitchen and I knew they had a wealth of support and love seeing them into marriage.

Many blessing to them!

Wayne and Jennifer at the Carolina Inn

Jennifer and Wayne can celebrate two anniversaries, and I'm delighted for them. They didn't let a legal snafu deter them at all in their celebration. Everything was arranged for their wedding at The Carolina Inn on February 13th but then Wayne's divorce weren't finalized in time. So we just changed the wording of the pronouncement and we let everyone know that as soon as possible, I'd be performing the legal ceremony with two witnesses. Which I did on Friday, April 9th at my home in Hillsborough. And it was joyful, too.

I loved the way that Wayne and Jennifer just went with the flow, which was good since they were busy people right about then. They have a beautiful little boy, Christopher Johnathan, born in late March. I wonder if they're so even keeled because they both work in hospital settings and they have crisis all around them everyday, or if it's just who they are. Either way, they were a delight. And I got to see lots of people celebrate who they are and their love for each other on both their wedding occasions. Amy Kortus was the harpist who set a perfect musical tone to go with the ceremony and the elegant setting at The Carolina Inn. She's always so professional and a joy to work with. She even took these pictures for me during the ceremony for which I was very grateful.

In Jennifer and Wayne's ceremony I got to tell the guests some of the amazing gifts of self that Jennifer and Wayne each bring to their relationship and their love. It's a real pleasure to do this for a couple because so often we fail to see our own gifts when we so easily see the gifts of the ones we love.

And I got to bless their son and the family they are creating, even before their son was born. I love doing that, too. I believe we are all born blessed and I love putting that to words for a new young life.

And at the end of their ceremony, I blessed their marriage with the words, "Go forth bound together by the love of God. Go forth with hope and joy and a heart full of dreams, knowing that God is always with you. Amen." Since I believe we're a universe based upon love, no matter what name we call it, I love this part of the ceremony, too.

All together a good day for them, and for me. I left them just getting ready to go across the hall to a small banquet room to enjoy and elegant lunch with their family and guests, and this gorgeous cake.


As soon as I find out who made it, I'll let you know.

The King's Daughters Inn - An Amazing Place for a Wedding

In addition to having a really classy and intriguing name, The King's Daughters Inn is a wonderful place to get married. On February 18th, the staff at the inn held an open house complete with chocolates and wine so that people like me could really appreciate its charm and beauty.

Situated right next to Duke campus on Buchanan Street near downtown Durham, it's on a residential street with large trees and big homes. Just walking around the area is an exploration in architecture from the early nineteen hundreds.

I was amazed at the beautiful and unique decor in each room which invited you into a whole experience of graciousness. The wonderful pictures below taken by Kevin Seifert of Photo Endeavors will tell you more than my words ever can. By the way - he's also a great wedding photographer.




At the open house, we savored Serious Chocolates made by chocolatier, Sandra Ackerman, and delicious cheeses and scones provided by the inn to show the morning treats.


Here I am withWhat used to be a retirement home for elderly women has been totally renovated with a 'green renovation.'








There are just some places that call to you. The inn reminds me of Isaak Dinessen's home in the movie 'Out of Africa.' It has decor that makes you sigh as you enter a room because it so pleases the eye and dissipates your stress.

The comfortable manner of the staff also communicated that this was a place to be enjoyed by guests as well as staff. They encourage people to simply come and read in the living room, or sit in the sun room.

I hope you get a chance to visit the inn. They have events each month - teas, travel talks, tastings, and lectures. Go to one.

Treat yourself.
You won't regret it.
You might even want to get married there.

Sara and Birama Got Married in October at The Spruce Pine Lodge

Sara contacted me by email in January of 2009 from her Peace Corps post in Mali where she would be finishing up her assignment in just a few months. She'd be coming home in the summer and wanted to be married in North Carolina in October at Spruce Pine Lodge. Owned by the City of Durham, on Lake Michi, it's a wonderful venue for a small wedding. The grounds are large and the lodge has a rustic feel yet has all the amenities. I've done many weddings there over the years. And I know that weddings happen there all the time.

I really appreciated the ability to do initial planning via email but it began to be really fun with I got to meet Sara and Baba in the month before their wedding. They'd had a wedding in Mali surrounded by family and friends there, and now they were to have a wedding surrounded by family and friends here. Sara and Birama speak most easily together in French. Birama is learning English fast but it's not an easy language even for those of us who grew up here. So our conversation was in two languages, and I got to be reminded how much and how little I remember from my High School French classes.

It turned out to be a beautiful mid-October Sunday so we got to hold the wedding outdoors on the lawn.

There was wonderful music for both the ceremony and the reception. Miguel Joseph of Yeshuana Entertainment, and William Beasely of Rockstar Entertainment both offered their talents to the occasion. And the reception was catered by the always great, Durham Catering Company.

I also got an opportunity to bone up a little on my French so that during the ceremony I could say Birama's vows in French and tell him that he was married in French. I practiced so those now awkward syllables rolled a little more easily off my tongue. I was glad to be able to have some part of the ceremony in Birama's own language. It was fun for me and I hope it made the ceremony a little more personal to him.

We also did something in their ceremony that was so much fun that I now recommend it to other couples.

After I pronounced them married and offered words of blessing upon their marriage, I asked Birama and Sara to turn around and face their guests, then I asked if any of their guests wanted to call blessings out to them in Bambara, the language of Mali. Since Birama's brother and best friend were there, as were several Peace Corps volunteers who had served in Mali, several happy people jumped to their feet, shouted a blessing (I gathered that some were traditional Bambara blessings) and sat down, to be followed close behind by another spirited person. It was lively, heart felt, and spontaneous, and was a perfect way to begin the celebrations.

Birama is a jewelry maker. I wish you could see the unique and stunningly beautiful wedding necklace he made for Sara. You can catch just a glimpse of it behind her flowers. I wish him much good fortune in selling his creations.

And I wish them both many blessings as they begin this new adventure together!

Open House at The Hilton in Durham Near Duke University

On a rainy Monday after noon in February The Hilton in Durham Near Duke University opened their doors to wedding professionals so we could learn more about their venue. While I'd been there in the past, when I had to remind myself how to get there I realized - Oh - this is easy. It's right off I-85 at the Cole Mill Rd. exit. Wedding Planning is managed by Sarah Huggins and group room bookings by Colleen Coburn.

For the open house, they'd planned a scavenger hunt for us of little hidden goodies (heart candies, balloons, ribbons, roses, etc) in all of their meeting spaces, restaurants, and ball rooms and even in a guest room. They even had fabulous hors d'oeuvres their staff had made for us, including créme brulée.

They've remodeled recently and the whole place sparkles. Their meeting rooms are huge and well lit. For an inside wedding, you have spaciousness that can't be found in lots of other local venues.
Yet the venue has an intimacy about it. You can't get lost and all the public spaces are on one floor.

I've officiated at lots of weddings that need a place for the wedding party and family to gather before the ceremony. This has it in the spacious bar.

They even have a free shuttle bus that operates within a 5 mile radius of the hotel (which gets you to lots of the fun downtown Durham places) and they recommend Super Shuttle for airport transportation.

Makes me wish I was getting married!

Dallas and Allison at Delightful Inspirations

On October 24th, Allison and Dallas got married at Delightful Inspirations in Raleigh! (Dallas and Allison chose Delightful Inspirations partly because it everything could be in one spot and they provided the catering, too. Thanks to Anne Caspar there for all her help that day.) It's hard to believe that it's been almost 4 months. I'm so glad Allison sent me these pictures so that I can relive their wonderful day.

It turned out to be one of those October weekends where the rain comes and goes. The ceremony was meant to be outside and the weather held even through the rehearsal. But as so often happens in October, we had to go to Plan B. Luckily, we had rehearsed for that possibility, too.

I was glad because it freed them to just celebrate. And there was much to celebrate. Allison and Dallas' love developed slowly while partnering together on long shifts as they became friends who could count on each other through thick or thin. And that support has been important. During these years Dallas had learned how to be attentive and romantic, and Allison had learned how to accept and appreciate Dallas' playfulness and easy going way.

Allison and her father were piped in by bagpiper, Robert J. White, who is a US Army Special Forces Retired Sergeant 1st Class. (919-772-4231, apiper1@nc.rr.com). We all felt especially grateful that Allison's father could walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. And it was an especially special moment for him, too. Now both she and her sister, Carolyn, her Matron of Honor, would be married to good men that he knew.

We honored this in the classic way of honoring a father's closeness to his daughter and his peace knowing she has a husband and partner she can rely on. I asked him, 'Who gives this woman to be married to this man?' And he answered, 'Her mother and I do.'

Dallas' playful manner was evident in their ceremony, as Dallas interjected soft playful kidding all through the ceremony. You'll see it in the twinkle in both their eyes.


Family and friends were in abundance, with even a cousin of Allison's coming all the way from Glasgow, Scotland to be at their ceremony. Another wonderful note of her Scot's heritage.

Thanks To Annie Harrison of Annie Harrison Photography for all these great pictures. They had another light touches in their ceremony with the short Ogden Nash poem 'To Keep Your Marriage Brimming,' which goes: 'To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong admit it, whenever you're right shut up.'

These light moments were joined by with the deeper heartfelt moments in which we thanked Dallas and Allison's parents for their unstinting support, and in which we honored the way that Allison and Dallas had grown their love through the daily choice they had made to prioritize their love for each other and to find the sustenance within it to grow as individuals and partners.

They had a sand ceremony within their wedding ceremony to symbolize the inextricable joining of their lives.

Then I got to offer the Scottish Wedding Prayer in their names, Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so that nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving, and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as to forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands.

And of course, we can't forget the kiss.














And the joy in their eyes as they recessed with just the partying ahead of them. After having eaten well, they all partied well into the night with the help of Jason Eder of Complete Music Disk Jocky Service.


I wish them tremendous happiness! This is a couple who have helped and encouraged each other to grow in love, confidence, courage, and generosity of spirit. It's shown itself in their professional lives and in all they touch.

They witness to the power of love in their own and in our lives. Blessings to them all ways and always!

Phil and Christina's Wonderful November Wedding

On November 7th, with much love and support, Christina and Phil celebrated their marriage at The Berryhill Estate in South Boston, Virginia. It was a gorgeous fall day and everything seemed to fall into place beautifully to celebrate Phil and Christina's love.

Christina and Phill planned well beforehand and I could see as their day unfolded that it all was paying off. Berryhill estate is in a quiet spacious setting with a modern inn attached so that all the festivities could be in one location. There's no road noise yet its easy to get to. Once there all the guests could relax and enjoy the wonderful separation from the reminders of every day tasks.


A note about weddings in Virginia: Officiants must register with the state of Virginia in person and only those ordained clergy who can prove their ordination by a valid ordaining body are authorized to perform weddings. Make sure that the officiant you choose is licensed to perform weddings in VA! Also in VA only the minister signs the license, while in NC you need two people to serve as witnesses.


Thanks for Shawn Mary Tomkinson of Shawn Mary Tomkinson Photography for these wonderful pictures. She and her associate were so easy to work and brought such skill to the day in this setting which could be tricky because of its grandeur.

The New Hope Players, the string quartet on the veranda with me, led off with the Air from Suite #3 in D Major by Bach, providing an elegant entrance for Christina and Phil's grandparents and parents. Then their Best Man, Patrick (Phil's brother) and their Maid of Honor, Valerie entered with Phil and Christina's dogs, Hailey and Rex. I remember Hailey romping in the long expanse of front yard before the ceremony. A dog's idea of heaven.

Rhonda van der Schagt from The Berryhill Estate was in wonderful charge of the procession as the wedding party entered from the right of the beautiful ante-bellam estate. Christina entered to Pachelbel's Canon in D navigating all those steps in her beautiful floor length gown. Phil was there to help her and you could see his respect for her as he escorted her carefully up each step. I knew it boded well for their marriage.

Before they spoke their vows, Christina's grandparents, Nanny and Pappy read from Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians, from the New Testament. It was touching to hear those classic words about love from people whose marriage bore witness to their truth . Then two friends read excerpts from 'The Bridge Across Forever' by Richard Bach which speak of finding our soul mate and what that means to our lives.


I was amazed at how well our voices carried easily in this larger than life setting. And I'm glad they did because Phil and Christina each wrote their own very personal vows to each other that were heartfelt, tender, down to earth, and timeless. They'll be able to draw upon them at many points in their journey together. They each sent me the vows they'd written beforehand so that I had them but they hadn't seen what the other had written. They're close to their families and all of us were touched by the very real and open affection they expressed to each other.

So often couples are shy. With Phil and Christina, I saw them take the power of the moment to let everything else fall away but each other and the love they wanted to express. I was so glad they claimed this for themselves. It will live forever in their hearts.

I got to say the following wonderful words of blessing upon their marriage at the end of their ceremony: "May the love that has brought you together continue to grow and enrich your lives, bringing peace and inspiration to each of you and to those who know you. May you meet with courage the problems which arise to challenge you, may you meet with strength the troubles that beset you. Phil and Christina, may your marriage be one of ever growing depth and meaning, understanding and love which you give to one another in the life you share. May you find far more in life than either would have found alone. May you find tolerance for the prejudices, reverence for the beauties, and respect for the truths you will encounter as you go forward together. Amen."

Then I had the fun of introducing them as a married couple. As everyone cheered, so did they.
I could tell that the reception would be a great celebration. And I was delighted for them adding silent blessings and delight in addition to those I formally offered in their ceremony.

True to who they are, they were gracious in their thanks to me, and I appreciated it a lot.
I got the following wonderful note from Christina after they returned from their honeymoon in Belize: 'Thank you so much for everything leading up to the wedding and on the big day. We received so many compliments from guests about our ceremony and how personal and meaningful it was, and I can't thank you enough for helping guide us through the process! I wanted to let you know I've posted a rave review to OneWed, and I wish you the very best!'

I seldom stay for the reception, preferring to come home to my own Sweetheart, Ruben. (We just celebrated our 10th anniversary!) Yet I know that many many more professionals work hard to make each couple's wedding special. I love to honor them and their efforts. For all of us this is a labor of love.


Phil and Christina's beautiful cake was made by Lisa Guadagnini of Tier Bella. The cranes were made by Christina. Christina's love and skill with origami was also evident in the amazing origami bouquets for the reception.

Christina's and her bride's maids flowers were done by Tre Bella Florist in Durham, NC. Notice the big lush hydrangeas. They were gorgeous.

And not to be forgotten, the DJ for the celebration was Greg Ramsely of the inimitable Joe Bunn Dj Company.

I wish Phil and Christina all the joy that marriage can bring.

Just thinking of them now brings a smile to my heart.

What Does It Mean To Be Spiritual?

Couples often come to me telling me that they're not religious but they're spiritual. And while many fear judgment, I say, 'Yay!' The 'Yay!' isn't a dis on religion. It's my pleasure that they consider the matters of the spirit important to how they define themselves.

The word 'spiritual' has a much broader definition than it did even twenty years ago. Then, the word spiritual was linked only to religious expression. Today that's not the case.

Our sense of spiritual aliveness can be found in religious ritual and at sacred sites .... and also all around, between and among us.

One writer I love defines our spirit as the 'non-negotiable core of aliveness that lies at the heart of who we are.' Our spirit is the vital animating part of us that sparks our loves, passions, and enthusiasms ('en theos' deriving from the Greek meaning 'with God.')

I encourage couples to express their enthusiasm, their spirit in their ceremony. I encourage them to put language to that part of who they are, to think of what's most important to each one of them, and to explore why these values touch them so deeply. This is what connects us to each other and to the larger life, the life beyond the self. Not only is it wonderful to express in a couple's wedding ceremony, but it provides wonderful opportunities for them to explore with each other these aspects of their lives.

We often love the passion for life that we find in our partner - it enhances and expands our world and through it we grow larger in experience and spirit. This is a lot to celebrate.

Some couples tell me that they most value family and friendship, others speak of nature and their desire to cherish and preserve it. Others speak of service to their community and the respect that they have for each other in the life choices they make. Other couples love cooking and entertaining with friends, creating beauty, traveling the world, or playing sports together. I love listening to couples speak of what they love about each other and the joy they find in life. It uplifts me and through each couple I learn more about how amazing we humans are as we grow and celebrate life with each other on this amazing planet.

This picture is of the Jurra Region of Switzerland, from which the word Jurrasic came. It was taken by a Swiss friend.

Our spirituality can show up in ways that we don't attribute to this sense of the larger life. Here are a few examples from my life. My daughter is a supervisor in a department that ensures that welfare recipients get fair treatment. She's a wonderful supervisor and she sees her work as a calling to serve those who are less fortunate. This is a connection of the heart and spirit.

My ex-husband, a good and loving man, used to experience his spirituality in umpiring softball games. Not the usual expression, but he brought his love of the game and the best of who he was to ensure fairness. On the ball field his world had purpose and made sense, and he could offer that with grace and clarity to others.

My Sweetheart of ten years, Ruben, is a 6th and 7th grade science teacher. He glows when he talks about his kids (his over 100 students) and his love for the planet. Put those two passions together and you see a man on a mission. His kids share his excitement and delight as he makes science come alive.

This picture is of the Goosenecks of the San Juan River in Utah.
I find this picture inspiring. My life hasn't been a straight line and these beautiful twists and turns affirm that my life, in its convolutions, has held beauty and strength that I don't often acknowledge. I bet this is true with your life, too.

What delights and inspires you?
What calls to your heart?
What parts of this amazing whole of Life want to live through you?

Sometimes all we need is a walk in the woods to bring us in touch with our spirits. Sometimes even a Youtube video can help our hearts expand to find the spaciousness within us that reminds us how good it is to be alive and connected to the mystery and wonder of all of life and Love.

Yesterday Ruben sent me this Youtube video called 'Suppose the Earth Got Saturn's Rings'. Enjoy it. It's not long. You've got time.

And this next Youtube is about as expansive as it gets. It's called 'A Small Glimpse of The Universe.' We are each only one person on a small planet in a small galaxy. But we are graced with the miracle of loving. For this we can only be grateful. And appreciation is the heart of the spirit.

And the heart of a good marriage!

Blessings to you!